I may regret putting this out there to the world
These Are My Confessions (Please don't sue me Usher!)
Greetings Readers! It has been a very long time since I wrote anything non-book related so I thought I would share my thoughts on a whim. I may regret putting this out there to the world when I think about it deeper and reality hits but I thought what better way to hold myself accountable than to share it with the world? (Or the 20 or so people that read this once published! Lol). I guess as this is supposed to be a day of confession in the religious realm this fits in nicely.
So today I collected my daughter after work from her childminder only to be told it is pancake day ( Shrove Tuesday) and I had for the 100th year in a row forgotten. As we walked home my daughter then proceeded to ask how many pancakes would I be making for dinner? I definitely had planned to make approximately zero pancakes and hoped to keep it that way but because I value my peace I just kept my answer to a nice safe “we’ll see”. Kids almost definitely see this answer as a “yes” and simmer down, whereas I almost definitely see it as a no, win win, in the moment!
I had given myself a nice little mental pat on the back for being a somewhat organised mum
From Super Mum to Super D*mb.
I had been really proud of the fact that I had managed to do a mini top up food shop in the morning after school run and before work, prepping for the eldest’s school lunch and dinner for the night. I had given myself a nice little mental pat on the back for being a somewhat organised mum, even if I did bite the kids heads off getting them out of the house with the inherited mum lines like “why do I bother” & “How Many Times??!”.
However, pancake day threw me. In an instant my mind went to telling myself “how could you not remember?” “All the other kids are going to get pancakes “, “Even your childminder remembered” and then anxiously “how are you going to fit it all in this evening? Do you even have the ingredients and toppings?”. It seems silly, especially considering this day is not about how many pancakes you can stuff in your face but my mind immediately went into self attack mode.
When You Gonna Give It Up For Lent?!
(I Definitely sung that to the tune of Sean Paul & Keisha Cole. Sorry its late and I'm delirious and tired.)
As I sat down after eating pancakes that I didn’t really want to make it dawned on me (without being reminded by the childminder) that next is Ash Wednesday and usually something is given up for Lent for 40 days. Christians and nowadays non religious people often do this during Lent as a sign of sacrifice and to test their self-discipline. Christians believe that this is to represent Jesus Christ's sacrifice when he went into the desert to pray and fast for the 40 days before later dying on the cross.
Considering I don’t eat meat, don’t smoke, barely drink and I am single as a Pringle there was pretty much nothing I could think of to give up. Then I thought about what bad habits I feel could potentially be a hindrance to me or even the people around me. This made me think of the power of my words and thoughts.
I decided I’m going to give it up for 40 days.
I see myself as a grateful person. I give gratitude everyday , I appreciate what I have whilst aiming to elevate myself too so I do not remain stagnant. However, I recognise that I also have a tendency to moan (full on confession time right now). I moan about how tired I am, how I’m going to be closer to 40 than 30 in two months, how I need a minute of child free time and so on. Sometimes it can be really easy to just slip into saying these things out loud without having put any action into changing what you are unhappy with , pausing to ask why you feel this way or just giving thanks that things are not a lot worse or maybe even how they used to be. As quick as this bad habit occurred to me I decided I’m going to give it up for 40 days.
All of a sudden my internal dialogue then decided to tell me “Really Jo? 40 days? Nope. No way.” I then turned around (not literally) and said to myself ….hell no… I will also be cutting out negative self-talk for 40 days!
So here I am. Challenging myself.
The below three things (although one of them only I can measure) will be given up;
1. Negative Self Talk - To be counteracted with gratitude and upliftment and self empowerment.
2. Absent Minded Negative Comments – Moaning about things that can be fixed with self-discipline and or analysis.
3. Engaging in Negative Conversations – If it does not uplift me , bring me money or peace I will not be engaging. Count me out.
There it is , I may regret this at some point but as I will not be able to reprimand myself for it I guess I’m in it for the long haul.
I am by no means saying I will be filling my life with toxic positivity for the next 40 days. If I am unhappy with something I will express that for sure. But this is a chance to show gratitude and empower myself whilst observing whether my positive mindset will make a big impact.
What are you giving up for lent or doing more of?
Do you find yourself talking negatively to yourself? Would you speak to someone you love the way you speak to and about yourself?
Feel free to join me with this challenge if you wish!