Updated: Jan 18, 2021
Nights wondering what I did to deserve this pain,
Replaced by nights picturing the scene if I had stayed,
Was it all as bad as I remembered?
As time shifts and the good times present themselves,
His last I told you so.
Feeling abandoned because of no fight for change,
But he mirrored that expectation, so stubborn we both remained.
Respect lost , boundaries crossed, feelings disregarded,
Childhood traumas rebirthed old cycles restarted,
Tempers ran hot magnifying the lust,
But what good is a relationship without trust?
From pedestal to average , to less than,
Priorities & responsibilities shouldn’t have to be a question.
Communication broken down by frustration,
Heads butt at even the smallest suggestion,
I cannot be expected to share your attention.
One rule for you, another for me as you claim I need redemption,
But your heart beat steady whilst you tore mine apart with no apprehension,
You saw me and always seemed to see the worst,
Expectations sank lower for you to me,
And higher from me to you as I grasped on to the possibility,
That somehow I might just be . Enough.
For you to see , to build, to fight alongside,
There’s too much going on in this world,
For your loved one to be the one thing that makes you cry,
And yes not all rides run smooth,
But it can’t run you down until you’re a write off.
Sometimes you’ve got to take those rose tinted glasses off,
Intentions and potential in the long run will cost,
Patterns and actions must be consistent,
Say them out loud are they vague and sadistic?
Do you cringe with disappointment in what you’ve endured?
Are boundaries belittled, leave you feeling unsure?
Be honest with yourself can you see longevity?
Or are you holding on to prove that you have integrity?
That your words were true when you said you love him,
Become a martyr for the kids because "they can’t live without him",
Convince yourself the fights keep you kind of excited,
Can’t you see your warped view of love unrequited?
What does this say about your love for yourself?
Broken for a man that placed your love on a shelf,
Step back do your shadow work, concentrate on your health,
Take your time, find your why,
Take. Your. Time.
You cannot mould someone into what you require,
Focus on yourself and be the change you desire,
No one is perfect , perhaps he needs this too,
Who knows, but right now sis he’s no good for you.